Sunday, September 25, 2011

Big Brother is Watching You Pee


So the other day I was looking through my inbox and I got an email from my bank, JP Morgan Chase.  It more or less said, “Hey, you have our credit card, why not activate the 5% cash back feature on this month’s special categories?”  I deleted it.

A day or so later when I was on my Chase account online, I noticed a similar invitation on the dashboard screen.  Since I had 2 minutes to spare, I figured I would go ahead and activate it.  One click later, I was on this screen:


It seems simple enough.  You give them some basic information (last name, last 4 digits of card number, zip code and optional email address) and they give you 5% cash back on anything you spend with your credit card that’s related to dining, department stores, movie theatres, and charitable organizations.  However, there was a little tab that read, “Why is this necessary?” that I decided to click.  The dialogue box that popped up is in the above screenshot.

“We need to know who you are in order to make sure you receive your bonus.”

Are you kidding me?  You’re telling me that Chase is unaware who I am and that if I don’t provide them this information poor me won’t receive my bonus?  Somehow I doubt it.

For example:  I got the email with this offer, so they clearly have my email.  Obviously they know my last name (and first name and middle initial), which is tied to my account, and they definitely know my entire card number, let alone the last four digits.  As for zip code, maybe I can understand that, but that information is tied to my account too.  So why do they really need to know this information?

Back in my younger days, I might have assumed it was because the computer system that took care of the bonuses wasn’t tied to the system that handled my information and that they needed to cross-reference it.  But I am skeptical to that explanation.  Every time I swipe my card, information is sent to Chase (and information is sent back to the vendor), which is then used to prepare my monthly bill and so on and so forth.  So now I wonder if the intention isn’t slightly more sinister.

Unfortunately, I know nothing about banks.  I could ask my friends more well-versed in the financial system, or I could go on a two-week research mission to find the answer.  Or I could write a whiny blog about it.

The thing is, I’m not ripping on Chase in particular; I’m sure all banks and credit card companies are this way.  I figure somehow there’s money in it for them.  And to be fair, they’re giving me free money.  In fact, they’re giving me a lot of free money.  Whether I activate this “bonus” or not, I still get 1% cash back on everything I spend with my card.  And when my school lets me pay tuition by credit card, well, it turns out to be a good investment.

Consider this:  I have never actually had to finance anything on my credit card, that is, I spend only what I can afford and I pay it back in full at the end of every month.  So right there, they’re not making any money off me and are actually lending me instantaneous money every time I purchase anything for free.  That’s a pretty good service when you think about it.  The card is harder to steal than cash (albeit not much) and even if it is stolen I’m only responsible for a fraction of the possible damages.

Now consider this:  I get 1% cash back on everything at least.  When you hit a certain amount, they mail you a check (or rather deposit it directly nowadays).  Since I got this card in 2007, I’ve probably made $1,500 off of it (no kidding!).  For free!  That’s a pretty good deal.

It’s kind of like having a Krogers card—You basically tell Krogers what you’re buying, and they give you a very modest discount, as well as fuel rewards.  It doesn’t cost you anything, and you don’t even physically have to have your card with you as long as you know your ID number.  The disadvantage is that Big Brother knows exactly what you’re purchasing.

To be honest, I’m okay with that.  I don’t care that Big Brother knows I bought milk, bread, toilet paper, and a Sara Lee cheesecake (it’s no secret I like my nom-noms).  Same for Chase; if they’re using this information to track my purchases, so be it.  A lot of people are uncomfortable with this level of information on them out there, and that’s fine if they want to opt out.  I can see where there are “slippery slope” concerns about how the information will be used, and I’m not oblivious to that.  I don’t put down my social security number on every blank on every form unless I know they need it and don’t just want it, for example.

The truth is, we live in an era where information is valuable.  Maybe even worth $1,500 to Chase over 5 years (although I think the real incentive to the bonuses is hoping people will spend more money if they’re getting a bonus, which they can finance at an 11.5% APR).  Definitely worth $1.37 of a $20.97 grocery trip at Kroger.  So they can sell us more products we want and fewer that we don’t.

Then again, maybe I am being too careless and Big Brother is watching me right now.  I bet he’s bored.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

UK Football Games and... Not Much Else


First off, I want to apologize.  I’ve been out having fun, and you’ve been anxiously awaiting my next blog.

Second off, I want to apologize again.  This is admittedly a half-assed blog because I got the idea to do it just before work.

Apologies aside, I have been mostly working and studying (more work than studying, as my first exam’s grade this Friday will probably reflect), but I took some time off to go to the UK vs. Louisville game this weekend.  It was my first UK football game, and we lost.  It was also the first game UK lost this season.  I will acknowledge the correlation but take no responsibility.  I will blame the totally trashed d-bags in the row in front of us (there were actually dozens of us yelling at them to shut up for 5 seconds).

I was informed a few days later that I was actually on TV for about 3 seconds!  Granted I was pretty hard to see as a handful of pixels in the student section, but I was pretty excited.

Because everyone loves irrelevant pictures, I have one I took on my phone of the game and the halftime act.  The band performed in the opposite direction as we sat, which was especially disheartening to the friends I went with, as they were both in marching band when they were UK undergrads.  However the picture below shows a girl twirling a baton lit on fire.  In a skirt!  That’s dedication.

Some random news:  I have my UK College of Nursing interview for the second-degree BSN this Friday, so I’m hopeful about that.  After med school interviews, it is my hope that this one will be alright, but that’s the thing about interviews—you never know how they’re going to go until you’re there.

More random news:  The polling from a while ago is complete and apparently the top picks for blog topics were CK cartoons, the nursing/medical/healthcare field, and about me.  That was an interesting last pick, as I’m pretty sure that’s the last thing most people on the interwebs want to hear about when they get online is some random guy in Kentucky.  Then again, it is a blog, so maybe I shouldn’t be shocked.  It comes as no surprise that almost no one wanted to hear about politics, which is good, because I’m sick of them anyway.

In line with those results, I’ll have another CK cartoon up soon.  See ya then!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Robert Losier



Life has been busy, albeit good-busy and not pull-your-hair-out-busy.  I had my 24th birthday the other day, and I worked from 7am to 7:30pm on it and went to bed pretty much as soon as I got home.  Ah, the joys of being an adult.

I will skip the lengthy introduction for this blog other than to say this is a re-post from my old Myspace.  People seemed to like it, so I figured it would be of some interest here.  The story is about a Family Guy clip, which you can watch at the following link, or just click the youtube box below:



Usual disclaimer:  I don’t own this clip, it’s not on my YouTube channel, and if it gets taken down, sorry.

Anyway, here is the story.  Enjoy!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Quite the other day, my friend Brad and I were watching a rerun episode of Family Guy on Cartoon Network.  It was one of those nights when we definitely should have been trying to sleep, seeing as it was 2:30 in the morning and my biology lab was bright and early at 8:30, but being the typical college students, sleep fell as a low priority.

This particular episode seemed particularly funny, be it the lack of sleep or the fact I was blowing off studying for a quiz that was to take place in a few hours.  For anyone who isn’t familiar with the show, the main character is an overweight, sometimes—okay, usually—idiotic, impulsive man named Peter.  Kind of like Homer from the Simpsons.  Almost exactly like him, but I’ll leave that for another time.  Anyway, Peter is in some sort of irritating situation and he says, “Man, I haven’t been this peeved since the time I got stuck behind Robert Losier at the airport.”

Another scene cuts up.  An attendant behind a counter is facing a white-haired man, who is at the front of a line.  Peter is right behind him.

“Can I have your name?” the attendant asks.

“Yes.  Robert Loseir,” the man says in a way that fills the volume of his body.

“Can you spell that for me?”

“Certainly,” Robert replies.  “R, as in ‘Robert Losier.’  O, as in ‘Oh my God, it’s Robert Losier!  B, as in, ‘By God, that’s Robert Losier!’”  By now, Peter is tapping his foot impatiently.  “E, as in ‘Everybody loves Robert Losier.’  R, as in ‘Robert Losier.’  T, as in ‘Tim, look over there—it’s Robert Losier!’  Space.  L, as in, ‘Look, it’s Robert Losier!’”

Peter groans and the scene cuts away.

It was funny, I’ll give it that, but it shouldn’t have been that funny.  Brad and I were nearly in tears of laughter.

The next day, we were hanging out after work, doing nothing in preparation for the weekend.  It had been a long day, and I was pretty tired, as was he, so we weren’t really talking much.  Finally, after a few minutes of silence between us, he turned to me.

“What are you thinking about, Bryan?” he asked.

For some unknown reason, last night’s humor drifted into my head.  “Robert Losier,” I replied, and we both cracked a smile.

The differences arose when I kept finding it funny and he didn’t after a while.  “What was your test over today?”  Robert Losier.  “Who were you hanging out with last night?”  Robert Losier.  “Did you find someone that was willing to give us a ride tomorrow?”  Yes, it’s Robert Losier.  You get the idea.

The truth is, neither of us had any idea who the heck Robert Losier was.  But I kept throwing his name into every opportunity I could.  When it seemed Brad was about ready to kill me, I let up on it a bit, but when we went up to Cleveland that weekend to see his friends, I revived it with them.

I even made up a second half of the sketch—technically, all we got of his name was Robert L.  After some consideration, I decided it was spelled L-O-S-I-E-R and I went with that. 

“L as in, ‘Look, it’s Robert Losier!’  O, as in, ‘Oh my God, will you shut up about Robert Losier?’  S, as in ‘Stop talking about Robert Losier.’  I, as in, ‘It’s Robert Losier.’  E, as in, ‘Everybody still loves Robert Losier.’  R, as in… rat.”  Even though the entire thing took about five minutes to go through, it was worth it.  Brad’s friends loved it, while at the same time Brad looked as though he were about to deck me right then and there.

Every time we had a chance to use Robert Losier that weekend, we did.  And when there are five of you, that’s pretty damn often.  It started to get old even to me by the end of that weekend.

On Sunday night, Brad and I came back down to Columbus, and my dad drove us from my house back to campus.  We were telling him about the weekend, during which we’d been to the Cleveland Auto Show and had quite a few other adventures.

Suddenly, I asked a question.  “Hey Dad, there’s this guy a TV show made fun the other night called Robert Losier.  Do you have any idea who he is?”

“Robert Losier…” Dad said, rolling the name around his mouth and thinking.  “How do you spell that?”

I don’t think it could have been more perfect.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Anybody know who this Robert Losier is, anyway?  Put it in the comments!